West End Theatre vs Glastonbury
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| By
Hay Brunsdon
It’s the battle of British institutions: one’s powered by wellies and wristbands, the other by stage doors and standing ovations. Glastonbury brings the festival fever, but the West End delivers year-round drama — with far less mud.
For live entertainment fans who prefer standing ovations to standing in a field for six hours. Here’s our breakdown of how theatreland holds its own against tent life
Stress Factor
Booking an almost-£400 ticket before the lineup is even announced? Entering a ballot, constant page refreshing and mysterious technical errors. Not for us, thanks, love.
Location, Location, Location
Be transported to the sunny Greek island of Mamma Mia! or the jazz-soaked soirées of The Great Gatsby, the dazzling world of the Parisian Moulin Rouge!, the time-twisting town of Hill Valley (Back to the Future), or even the mysterious small town of Hawkins (Stranger Things: The First Shadow). Or, like, visit a farm. It’s up to you, babes.
Music
Glastonbury, we see your The 1975 and Olivia Rodrigo — and raise you ABBA (Mamma Mia!), Michael Jackson (MJ The Musical), Tina Turner (TINA), Queen, David Bowie, and Elton John (Just For One Day). West End musicals keep music legends alive on stage, celebrating their timeless legacy.
Packing
Dealing with the burden of packing for Glastonbury feels like preparing for an expedition—tent, wellies, raincoat, and £500 to spend on questionable street food. In the West End, all you need is your ticket.
Distance from the Stage
Even the back row of the gods isn’t half a kilometre from the action, and you don’t need to send up a flare to find your friends after grabbing a drink.
Toilets
OK, so theatre toilets don’t often win any awards, but compared to Glasto? They’re taking home the trophy! You don’t need a map to find them and a gas mask or a full pep talk to enter. Short queues? Not always. Basic plumbing? Definitely.
Heatstroke
In the West End, the only thing that’ll make you faint is a perfectly delivered monologue — not a six-hour queue in direct sun for a vegan burrito. Hello air-cooling system, goodbye fanning oneself with a paper plate.
Walking
You can reach 30+ theatres in one square mile of London, or do you fancy a 90-minute trudge through a tent maze saddled up with all the gear and no idea? Ich don’t think so!
Mud
Jamie Lloyd might get things messy on stage, but there’s a strict no-welly policy in the stalls. Keep your shoes and your dignity.
Comfort
Theatre: plush velvet and examining the auditorium's sightlines when you book a ticket.
Glasto: some randomer’s shoulders, a puddle, and the faint whiff of damp socks.
Snacks
Ice cream at the interval > £12 lukewarm halloumi fries you dropped in a field, now surrounded by wasps. RIP.
VIP Treatment
Treat yourself to a proper upgrade — aisle seats, a box, a drink waiting at the interval — rather than a £10,000 glamping mirage. Cough, Yurtel, cough.
Bag Check vs Wheelbarrow
Forget dragging a wheelbarrow across three fields — your West End essentials fit in one cute tote. Curtain up in comfort.
Theatre: all of the drama, none of the trench foot.