The final season of Squid Game drops today, and after years of ruthless games, spine-chilling twists, and heart-wrenching betrayals (I’ll never forgive Sang-woo for the marble game), we’re finally reaching the end of Netflix’s most gripping series.
Watching the dystopian survival games, I often ask myself: “Could I survive the Squid Game?” The short answer is no, but I can think of a few West End characters who would pass Red Light, Green Light with flying colours. Here’s who I think could actually make it out alive.
“A million girls would kill for this job” - and in Squid Game, a million contestants would kill for Miranda. She isn’t just powerful, she’s untouchable. With icy composure, she’d have a crew of adoring ‘Miranda Girls’ volunteering to take the fall for her. Literally.
Manipulative, always two steps ahead, and able to turn her biggest rival into her newest ally, Miranda wouldn’t just survive - she’d thrive. After all, she’s been winning the fashion game for the past 40 years, and there’s nothing more cut-throat than that.
The athleisure wear may not be cerulean, but it’s certainly more groundbreaking than florals for spring. She’d win the game, and would declare bespoke green and white co-ords the new LBD. The matching two piece will quickly kill it on the catwalk, and grace the front cover of Runway magazine.
The 1969 hammer-throwing English champion has entered the competition! Miss Trunchbull would dominate Tug-of-War, even if she were the only one on her team.
Discipline, fear, and brute strength are her weapons, and the childish games that make up Squid Game… Putting an end to childish games is what she lives for, she runs a school for Pete's sake! The only thing that could possibly let her down is her lack of interest, with the games too ‘soft’ for her to sink her teeth into. She made British Bulldog part of the PE curriculum at Crunchem Hall, ‘Mingle’ just isn’t going to cut it.
Having said that, she has no respect for anyone and even less patience, making her unpredictable, terrifying, and exactly the kind of person you don't want to face in the final round. Or any round, really.
You’ll never see him coming, and then it’s too late. The Phantom would live in the shadows, lurking out of sight while he watches alliances rise and fall. You won’t see him in Seong Gi-hun or Jang Deok-su’s gang because he knows in order to survive you need to avoid the spotlight as much as possible. By avoiding the dormitory drama that occurs before the games, he will be able to enter each round with a clear and focused head. He won’t have a target on his back, because no one would ever see it.
Though he sits on the edge of the competition, it doesn’t mean he isn’t actively involved in it. With his eerie ability to get inside people’s heads, he can make his fellow competitors question everything, including themselves. His expertise in psychology would convince #16 to swap bibs with him, even if he was #1 and they already revealed the premise of the Glass Stepping Stones game. And the bag of marbles? His opponent would hand them over, no questions asked.
Eurydice knows what it means to survive when the world turns cold, so the bitter atmosphere in Squid Games would feel just like home. However the Squid Games provide trays of lunch and cartons of milk, something she could only dream of back in post-apocalyptic, depression-era, New Orleans. She sold her soul for a few crumbs back there!
Eurydice isn’t as ruthless as the other contestants listed above, but she is practical, resourceful and has the hunger needed to keep her alive.
The deadly games are terrifying to her competitors, whose scariest experience thus far has been a few run-ins with loan sharks and a particularly nasty slap from a businessman in a tube station. Eurydice has been to actual hell, and met actual Hades. Once you’ve already experienced the afterlife, death won’t scare you.