Hades Reviews London Landmarks
Posted on
| By
Hades
London, beware. Hades has arrived – and he’s reviewing our landmarks, one fiery judgment at a time. Check out his Flame Ratings below.
Piccadilly Circus – An acceptable blaze. Bit commercial. 4/5 🔥
All those flashing lights? Please. I’ve been illuminating the underworld for centuries. Still, mild chaos and lost souls? Not bad.
The Shard – Looks like a cursed crystal. Big fan. 5/5 🔥
This jagged monstrosity looks like it was designed by a vengeful sorcerer. I love it. Would absolutely install one in the Underworld.
Big Ben – Tick tick boom. I set it 6 hours behind for fun. 3/5 🔥
Nothing says power like controlling time. I turned it six hours behind just to mess with commuters. Iconic.
The Tower of London – So many ghosts, so little time. 5/5 🔥
Ah, the ghosts! Centuries of betrayal, beheadings, bad decisions. A spiritual paradise. I felt right at home.
The London Eye – Too slow. Turned it into a fireball. 2/5 🔥
Waited forty minutes for a spin that felt like watching lava harden. Tempted to flick it round like a spinning top in retaliation.
Camden Market – Chaos. Screaming. Delicious. 4.5/5 🔥
This place is my aesthetic. Screaming, smoke, questionable food stalls. I handed out flaming falafel and no one blinked.
The Natural History Museum – Bones. My vibe. 5/5 🔥
So many bones! I reanimated the dinosaur skeletons for a little run around. Security was unimpressed. Moi? Delighted.
Buckingham Palace – Stately. Overrated. Needs more lava. 1/5 🔥
Fancy, but it could really use some lava features. I made the fountains bubble ominously just for fun.
St Paul’s Cathedral – Echoes nicely when I scream into the void. 4/5 🔥
Beautiful dome. Very tasteful.
Hyde Park – Too green. Fixed it. 2.5/5 🔥
Too much grass, not enough brimstone. I scorched a summoning circle and had a picnic. Pedalos reminded me of rowing across the River Styx. Ah, homesickness is real.
Oxford Street – Peak mortal suffering. A strong 5/5 🔥
A thousand stressed shoppers in one place? Delicious suffering. I fed the flames of consumer chaos.
Theatre Royal Drury Lane – Now this is real estate. Haunted AND historic, 6/5 🔥
This place gets me. A haunted structure whith fabulous pillars and a massive underbelly, perfect for storing souls and show tunes. Also, I hear there’s a decent musical playing.
Other West End shows – Frankly? Overrated. 3/5 🔥
Mortals doing jazz hands. Ugh, please! Except Disney's The Lion King, which has flair, treachery, drama, and actual royalty. Will be sending flowers to Uncle Scar’s dressing room.