Which West End character would win Squid Game?

Posted on Jun 27, 2025 | By Sian McBride

The final season of Squid Game drops today, and after years of ruthless games, spine-chilling twists, and heart-wrenching betrayals (I’ll never forgive Sang-woo for the marble game), we’re finally reaching the end of Netflix’s most gripping series.

Watching the dystopian survival games, I often ask myself: “Could I survive the Squid Game?” The short answer is no, but I can think of a few West End characters who would pass Red Light, Green Light with flying colours. Here’s who I think could actually make it out alive.

Miranda Priestly - The Devil Wears Prada: The Musical

“A million girls would kill for this job” - and in Squid Game, a million contestants would kill for Miranda. She isn’t just powerful, she’s untouchable. With icy composure, she’d have a crew of adoring ‘Miranda Girls’ volunteering to take the fall for her. Literally.

Manipulative, always two steps ahead, and able to turn her biggest rival into her newest ally, Miranda wouldn’t just survive - she’d thrive. After all, she’s been winning the fashion game for the past 40 years, and there’s nothing more cut-throat than that.

The athleisure wear may not be cerulean, but it’s certainly more groundbreaking than florals for spring. She’d win the game, and would declare bespoke green and white co-ords the new LBD. The matching two piece will quickly kill it on the catwalk, and grace the front cover of Runway magazine.

Miss Trunchbull - Matilda the Musical

The 1969 hammer-throwing English champion has entered the competition! Miss Trunchbull would dominate Tug-of-War, even if she were the only one on her team.

Discipline, fear, and brute strength are her weapons, and the childish games that make up Squid Game… Putting an end to childish games is what she lives for, she runs a school for Pete's sake! The only thing that could possibly let her down is her lack of interest, with the games too ‘soft’ for her to sink her teeth into. She made British Bulldog part of the PE curriculum at Crunchem Hall, ‘Mingle’ just isn’t going to cut it.

Having said that, she has no respect for anyone and even less patience, making her unpredictable, terrifying, and exactly the kind of person you don't want to face in the final round. Or any round, really.

The Phantom - Phantom of the Opera

You’ll never see him coming, and then it’s too late. The Phantom would live in the shadows, lurking out of sight while he watches alliances rise and fall. You won’t see him in Seong Gi-hun or Jang Deok-su’s gang because he knows in order to survive you need to avoid the spotlight as much as possible. By avoiding the dormitory drama that occurs before the games, he will be able to enter each round with a clear and focused head. He won’t have a target on his back, because no one would ever see it.

Though he sits on the edge of the competition, it doesn’t mean he isn’t actively involved in it. With his eerie ability to get inside people’s heads, he can make his fellow competitors question everything, including themselves. His expertise in psychology would convince #16 to swap bibs with him, even if he was #1 and they already revealed the premise of the Glass Stepping Stones game. And the bag of marbles? His opponent would hand them over, no questions asked.

Eurydice - Hadestown

Eurydice knows what it means to survive when the world turns cold, so the bitter atmosphere in Squid Games would feel just like home. However the Squid Games provide trays of lunch and cartons of milk, something she could only dream of back in post-apocalyptic, depression-era, New Orleans. She sold her soul for a few crumbs back there!

Eurydice isn’t as ruthless as the other contestants listed above, but she is practical, resourceful and has the hunger needed to keep her alive.

The deadly games are terrifying to her competitors, whose scariest experience thus far has been a few run-ins with loan sharks and a particularly nasty slap from a businessman in a tube station. Eurydice has been to actual hell, and met actual Hades. Once you’ve already experienced the afterlife, death won’t scare you.

Javert - Les Misérables

Give this man a task, and he will pursue it relentlessly. Javert's obsession with order and justice might make him a bit of a loner in the game, but the feeling of righteousness is the only company he needs.

You won’t see him trying to cut corners that have seen other competitors fail in the past. He's a rule-follower, and will conquer any game that requires absolute precision, discipline, and nerves of steel. There’ll be no hastily cut out shapes in Sugar Honeycombs or dropped stones in Gonggi.

They don’t give away medals for challenge in Squid Game (which is just as well, as I don’t know if he’ll have any room on his military jacket for another one) but you know that Javert would be the first across the line in Red Light, Green Light - stamina is one of his strong points.

Hamilton - Hamilton

He’s not throwing away his shot at winning - unless the game involves an actual duel (then we might have a problem).

Alexander Hamilton is a master manipulator, a persuasive orator, and a chaos-stirring strategist. He’ll rally a group to his cause, shift alliances to suit his needs, and use his words to outwit even the most calculating opponents. Similar to Phantom, he could persuade his opponents to lose a game on purpose, and they would do so happily.

And if an upcoming game isn’t his cup of tea (we know he can’t stand the stuff, he threw it in the Boston River), he could always start a revolution against the guards and get his team of tracksuit wearing comrades out of there. Who knows, they may even colonise the island the games are held upon and start a free and independent nation on it…

Jay Gatsby - The Great Gatsby: The Musical

Admittedly, Gatsby feels more like VIP material, we can totally see him wearing a golden animal mask as he watches the chaos unfold. But put him in the game and he still stands a chance. Why? Because Gatsby is all smoke and mirrors.

Gatsby is the master of illusion and can make people believe whatever he wants them to. On top of that, he has something no other contestant has, money - and a lot of it. The £24.9 million cash prize is nothing to him, mere pocket change. So he wouldn’t go crazy with greed like other competitors have done in the past.

The only thing that could let him down? Red Light, Green Light. He may stare off into the distance thinking about his past love, instead of running past the terrifying robot child.

Doc Brown - Back to the Future: The Musical

Is time travel against the rules? Asking for a friend. Because Doc could technically just go back and redo the Sugar Honeycomb challenge if he breaks his shape — or fast-forward straight to the finale and congratulate everyone on a game well played. We’re not sure how he will sneak his DeLorean into the arena, especially when Seong Gi-hun couldn’t get a fake tooth past the guards. But with his brain power, we’re sure he will find a way.

Whether or not he uses the DeLorean, his scientific brain and zany unpredictability make him an asset in team games, and a wild card in solo rounds. Thanks to a trip up the clock tower, he’s even beaten his fear of heights, so Glass Stepping Stones will be a breeze.

Donna Sheridan - MAMMA MIA!

This woman raised a child alone, single handedly ran a hotel, and faced three exes showing up, uninvited - on. the. same. day. While many of us would have a breakdown, she still managed to dance, jive, and have the time of her life.

Donna is emotionally unshakeable, and has the stamina of a Greek goddess. Also: power ballads are known to cause minor earthquakes, which could come in handy in games involving balance. So, Donna really could be the winner who takes it all…

She’s also not afraid to get messy, doesn’t take herself too seriously, and somehow gets people to rally around her. Underestimate her and you’ll find yourself singing a farewell number sooner than expected.